Out With the Old, In With the New

I've often heard that phrase, particularly in times of transition and in the changing of the calendar year; 'Out with the old and in with the new.' There is the literal aspect of getting rid of old items and bringing in new. Then there is an aspect that has more recently come to the forefront for me, of putting away old/wrong ways of thinking and bringing in new/right, ways of thinking.

The end of 2009 was quite a roller coaster that ended not the way I expected. It was difficult, and emotional, and basically completely draining. My husband and I have been believing for a child, believing for conception. We'd gone to doctors but had not received a good answer as to why conception had not happened for us. There was a small issue that should have been easily remedied, but even a procedure for that ended without fruit.

In October we met with our doctor again and felt like we should try IVF, which is a costly and very involved procedure, but one that was being recommended. It involves much medication, MANY shots, appointments and procedures. Every case is different, and to be honest, if you have to look into the arena of fertility the deeper you go the more you realize that only God can bring life. In our case we only had one shot at success, some couples end up with many more embryos than they will ever need for the number of tries they want, some do not even get enough for one try. We had a try, and we truly believed that it would be a success. Friends who were praying with us over this felt it would be a success.

On a Monday in December I went in for a blood test to find out if I were pregnant or not. Expectancy was high. We had been doing everything the doctor said, exactly as they said. That afternoon we received a call that the test was negative. That was it. No second chances, no options, nothing.... just negative. So many hopes and dreams that were once again put on hold. So many emotions of dissapointment came running over.

I do not believe that this is the end of the hopes and dreams, just that it isn't going to happen through the help of fertility doctors. The bigger realization through this entire excursion though has been my thought process. I do trust God to be faithful and I do trust Him to come through, but how much had the old saying of 'God helps those who helps themselves' colored my perception of God? How much was I relying on my actions, my faith, myself instead of on God's love, grace, and mercy? Am I going to think about my situation from the point of view of the natural and only allow God's Word to comfort the dissapointments that I experience, or am I going to view my situation from God's point of view and allow my confidence to be in Him as I walk the path that is before me?

That is the challenge. That is the challenge that has been laid before me this year: to stop thinking about things from the natural perspective and to think about them from God's. To put out the old thought processes and bring in God's thought process.

So what has God said about my specific situation?

He has said that I am wonderfully and fearfully made by God and therefore I'm perfect and able to conceive and have children. God said that I would be a fruitful vine by the side of our house and our children like olive plants around our table. We (my husband and I) will not be ashamed but happy because our quiver is full of children. God said that we are His people and have a covenant with Him, that He will love us and bless us and multiply us and bless the fruit of my womb and that neither male nor female among His people would be barren....

God says more about my situtation. My challenge this year is to find what God says about me, about my life, about what I am to do, and to institute those things as my way of thinking, as my way of living, as the foundation of my thought process and faith.

So how about you, are you up for a challenge in 2010? What does God's Word say about your situation? Find out and let it change your thinking.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Growing in the Desert

It's the end of August and I have not posted a blog entry all summer! It's time to get back into a schedule of some sort. Vacations, summer schedules, and a general desire to be outside instead of in front of a computer, I must admit, have kept me away. I've missed writing and putting words and thoughts in black and white, so here I am, back plucking away at the keyboard. Here are a few thoughts to get back into the swing of things...

18Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. 19Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. - Isaiah 43:18-19

Have you ever felt like you've been doing the same thing forever, with no change in sight? Do you have dreams that you desire to see come to life, but they seem more distant than ever?

In worship this past Sunday night we were singing a song by John Mark McMillan called 'How He Loves Us' when one of the lines really hit home.

"All of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. Oh, how He loves us..."

That is the thing that gets me through. Remembering how God loves me. Spending time in His presence brings light to our issues, hope in our darkness, water in our dry place. Spending time in God's presence allows Him to speak to us about the things He is doing. He is always working on our behalf. He is always moving to make our path straight. As we follow, as we allow ourselves to be formed into His image, even when we don't feel like things are changing, we can rely on His word that they are. We can rely on His word that He is doing a new thing.

There is going to come a time that we are going to realize that something has changed. Sometimes it's a suddenly. Sometimes we just suddenly realize that things are different. So that's where I am right now, trusting, hoping, waiting to see that new thing springing forth. Promises becoming reality. It's not easy to not look back, to not remember the way things have been. It's not easy to keep looking forward. But giving into fear is not an option. Looking forward to what God is doing, lining every area of our lives with hope. That's where I choose to be. That's the direction I'm growing.

Beautiful New Day

"for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."

- Philippians 3:12

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I was thinking about this upcoming new year, and praying about how it would be different from the past year - from the past years. How do I break free of the things that have been holding me back? Can I really accomplish the things I believe God has called me to? Then I came across this verse in my devotions, "it is God who works in you..." We have to do our part. We have to seek God, we have to step out in faith, we have to walk in the light of God's word, but it is GOD who works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose. That focuses my new year. That tells me that if I want to accomplish more this year, I simply have to seek the LORD more. It's no longer about me, but about relationship with God and allowing Him to work.

One of my favorite Christmas presents this year is a t-shirt that says 'Winning is for the birds." It's a fan t-shirt for the Philadelphia Eagles that I had seen in the movie Invincible. It's a play on the saying that something is "for the birds", which has a negative connotation. The reason I love it is because it takes the saying and makes it positive. (Side note - I hope the Eagles make the playoffs or Superbowl this year so I can wear it.) It reminds me to look for the positive in things. No matter how I feel, I might have failed in the past, or not lived up to my own expectations in an area, I have to remember that tomorrow is a new day. If I don't live it, it won't be written. God has purpose and plans for us, He loves us, He wants us to fulfill the lives He has for us out there.

To quote an old song, life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long... I can't wait for tomorrow, and I'll live today in great expectation of it. God is working. He is moving. He is changing me, so tomorrow I'll be different, tomorrow I'll be more like Him, tomorrow is a beautiful new day full of what God has on this road I'm on. Not all of it is fun, some of it I just won't ever understand until I get to heaven, but I know God. I know He works all things for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose. I will rest in Him. I will look forward to a beautiful new day.

Life in the Waiting

"And we desire that each of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises." -Hebrews 6:11-12

Sometimes it seems the things in our lives we believe God has called us to are never going to come. We keep waiting. We begin to question if we are really called. We begin to question whether we are on the right track, if we've veered off the road. We wait. We begin to question whether God will truly bring us to the place of fulfillment of the promise. Yet we continue to wait.

As I prepare for the Christmas season and reflect on God coming to Earth as man, it amazes me to think of the wonderful and awesome length that our Heavenly Father went to so that His promise would be fulfilled to restore us to relationship. Immanuel, God with us.

I think about the hundreds of years between the Old Testament and the coming of Christ, the waiting between the promise and the fulfillment. The people of God lived their entire lives waiting. If I had lived then, how would my life have developed? Would I have been sensitive to listen for the Lord and anticipate His coming, opening myself up to the waiting? Would I have wrapped myself in the letter of the law as the Pharisees and Sadducee's did, guarding myself from possible disappointment? Not truly living to the fullest in the waiting. Would I, like Simeon and Anna, serve the Lord with joy, waiting with anticipation for the promised One - ready to recognize the Christ?

"God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?" -Numbers 23:19

As we wait to see the promises of God fulfilled in our lives, we have to remember that the One who has promised us is not a man. In the waiting I often find myself thinking of God and the things of God and associate human shortfalls with them. Is God mad at me because I didn't do something? Did I fall short? Don't little things make me mad at times and I withhold things from people? Then I'm reminded by the simplicity of His sweet Spirit that He's not a man that He should lie, that He is faithful to fulfill all that He has promised. As I wait, there is a journey. Even when things don't look like I thought they would, He is faithful in the journey that is waiting. Many times takes twists and turns we did not foresee, hills that contain illness, heartache, or waiting not knowing or understanding why.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for He who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23

As I consider life in the waiting, I reflect on how I am living my life. I must live my life in the assurance that He is faithful. I must live my life in in the peace and full assurance of hope that He who promised is faithful. Most of all, I must live during the waiting, I must take the journey, no matter where it leads. The journey does have a guide, and all I have to do is follow. I will allow this Christmas season to remind me also of the lengths my Father will go to in fulfilling the things He has promised.

Prayer: Thank you for your faithfulness, thank you that you are faithful even when I am not. Father, thank you for the journey You have given me in life and that I can not only live it in Your peace, but share Your peace and love throughout the twists and turns. Thank you for the fullness of life I have in You! Father, I pray that you would increase my faith where it is weary. Holy Spirit, I ask that as I wait on You, that You would open my eyes every day to the faithfulness of God in my life. In Jesus mighty name, amen.