Out With the Old, In With the New

I've often heard that phrase, particularly in times of transition and in the changing of the calendar year; 'Out with the old and in with the new.' There is the literal aspect of getting rid of old items and bringing in new. Then there is an aspect that has more recently come to the forefront for me, of putting away old/wrong ways of thinking and bringing in new/right, ways of thinking.

The end of 2009 was quite a roller coaster that ended not the way I expected. It was difficult, and emotional, and basically completely draining. My husband and I have been believing for a child, believing for conception. We'd gone to doctors but had not received a good answer as to why conception had not happened for us. There was a small issue that should have been easily remedied, but even a procedure for that ended without fruit.

In October we met with our doctor again and felt like we should try IVF, which is a costly and very involved procedure, but one that was being recommended. It involves much medication, MANY shots, appointments and procedures. Every case is different, and to be honest, if you have to look into the arena of fertility the deeper you go the more you realize that only God can bring life. In our case we only had one shot at success, some couples end up with many more embryos than they will ever need for the number of tries they want, some do not even get enough for one try. We had a try, and we truly believed that it would be a success. Friends who were praying with us over this felt it would be a success.

On a Monday in December I went in for a blood test to find out if I were pregnant or not. Expectancy was high. We had been doing everything the doctor said, exactly as they said. That afternoon we received a call that the test was negative. That was it. No second chances, no options, nothing.... just negative. So many hopes and dreams that were once again put on hold. So many emotions of dissapointment came running over.

I do not believe that this is the end of the hopes and dreams, just that it isn't going to happen through the help of fertility doctors. The bigger realization through this entire excursion though has been my thought process. I do trust God to be faithful and I do trust Him to come through, but how much had the old saying of 'God helps those who helps themselves' colored my perception of God? How much was I relying on my actions, my faith, myself instead of on God's love, grace, and mercy? Am I going to think about my situation from the point of view of the natural and only allow God's Word to comfort the dissapointments that I experience, or am I going to view my situation from God's point of view and allow my confidence to be in Him as I walk the path that is before me?

That is the challenge. That is the challenge that has been laid before me this year: to stop thinking about things from the natural perspective and to think about them from God's. To put out the old thought processes and bring in God's thought process.

So what has God said about my specific situation?

He has said that I am wonderfully and fearfully made by God and therefore I'm perfect and able to conceive and have children. God said that I would be a fruitful vine by the side of our house and our children like olive plants around our table. We (my husband and I) will not be ashamed but happy because our quiver is full of children. God said that we are His people and have a covenant with Him, that He will love us and bless us and multiply us and bless the fruit of my womb and that neither male nor female among His people would be barren....

God says more about my situtation. My challenge this year is to find what God says about me, about my life, about what I am to do, and to institute those things as my way of thinking, as my way of living, as the foundation of my thought process and faith.

So how about you, are you up for a challenge in 2010? What does God's Word say about your situation? Find out and let it change your thinking.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Growing in the Desert

It's the end of August and I have not posted a blog entry all summer! It's time to get back into a schedule of some sort. Vacations, summer schedules, and a general desire to be outside instead of in front of a computer, I must admit, have kept me away. I've missed writing and putting words and thoughts in black and white, so here I am, back plucking away at the keyboard. Here are a few thoughts to get back into the swing of things...

18Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. 19Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. - Isaiah 43:18-19

Have you ever felt like you've been doing the same thing forever, with no change in sight? Do you have dreams that you desire to see come to life, but they seem more distant than ever?

In worship this past Sunday night we were singing a song by John Mark McMillan called 'How He Loves Us' when one of the lines really hit home.

"All of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. Oh, how He loves us..."

That is the thing that gets me through. Remembering how God loves me. Spending time in His presence brings light to our issues, hope in our darkness, water in our dry place. Spending time in God's presence allows Him to speak to us about the things He is doing. He is always working on our behalf. He is always moving to make our path straight. As we follow, as we allow ourselves to be formed into His image, even when we don't feel like things are changing, we can rely on His word that they are. We can rely on His word that He is doing a new thing.

There is going to come a time that we are going to realize that something has changed. Sometimes it's a suddenly. Sometimes we just suddenly realize that things are different. So that's where I am right now, trusting, hoping, waiting to see that new thing springing forth. Promises becoming reality. It's not easy to not look back, to not remember the way things have been. It's not easy to keep looking forward. But giving into fear is not an option. Looking forward to what God is doing, lining every area of our lives with hope. That's where I choose to be. That's the direction I'm growing.