Seasons

My daughter LOVES to play outside.  This said, she is anxious for Spring and Summer to arrive.  She is ready for the water temps to warm so that she can go back in for a swim.  She has asked me many times lately when Spring would be here.  In my busyness I told her 'soon.'  I also told her that Spring really isn't really a date on the calendar, but a matter of the weather changing.  That wasn't enough though, in her 5-year old mind she needed a date.  Finally, yesterday, I looked it up and told her that on March 20th of this year it would finally be Spring.

Thus, the countdown has begun!  The first thing she informed me of in the car this morning was that there are only 13 days until Spring!!  This declaration was followed by the question, "can we go swimming then?"
If only our seasons in life were so clearly defined as the date on the calendar.  I've loved looking back at the Facebook memories the past month and being reminded of the excitement of finding out we were expecting a child, and the excitement of our family and friends.  When I think back over that time I am also reminded of the mixture of seasons over that year.

You see, this was an amazing time as we were expecting our baby girl, but in the midst of it was a time of deep sorrow.  My mom had been battling cancer for almost a year.  In June, we found out that it had metastasized and there was a tumor in her brain that burst.  So when I was 5 months pregnant with the child that she had been believing with me for, my mom passed away. In a matter of a couple of short days, she was gone from this earth.  My mom, who was supposed to be here to meet my little girl and to tell me all the things I needed to ask her as a new mom myself.  My mom, who was a rock of faith and understanding.  My mom, who loved myself and my family as no one else could.  The Grandmama that I wanted my daughter to know, to experience.


At Mom's Memorial Service

 

June is also my birthday month.  I don't really remember what I did that year.  I turned 40, but other than that I don't recall the birthday.  So many life events happened in the span of what many would consider one season of life.

We are told in Ecclesiastes 3 that:

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

    A time to grieve and a time to dance....

 

But this season I was in had so many of these things overlapping.  Grief, joy, death, birth, laughing, crying, grieving....  How does one process it all?  I found my answer to be wrapped in faith.  "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13)

Sometimes I think that I am still processing all that has happened over that year.  There are still seasons that I find myself missing my mom, sometimes to the point of tears.  Sometimes those seasons are mixed with a pride and joy I find as my daughter grows.  I think of the smile and laughter she would have brought to Mom's face.  Then I think about the fact that she is probably looking down from heaven seeing it all anyway, and laughing until she cries.  Because that's what we do in our family when we really laugh.

Sometimes I think about the seasons in my life and how I would have ordered them differently.  I would have moved some earlier in life and some later.  Trusting that there is someone who has the full picture, that my finite understanding would not necessarily bring about the best results, isn't always easy.

"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14)

 

He will turn our mourning into joyful dancing and take away our mourning, clothing us with joy. (Psalm 30:11)  He will do it.  He will cause the seasons to change because even if we are unfaithful, He remains faithful. (2 Timothy 2:13)

 

So when the season is hard and I feel like Winter will never end, I look for the laughter even in the cold.  I look for the beauty even in the sparseness.  I have to let the seasons change in my life, because Spring is coming.  The warm sun will wash over me and I will be able to feel the sand between my toes.  The laughter will come, sometimes to the point of tears.  And until that happens, we have to rest in His love. We have to wait on the Lord

 

I will sing of the Lord’s unfailing love forever!  Young and old will hear of your faithfulness.

(Psalm 89:1)

 

Rest in the knowing that there is One who is faithful in this life, even when the season seems tough and raw.  Rest in knowing that He will keep the song alive in your heart, and He will even sing a new song over you.  When we allow the seasons to change, we see the goodness of the Lord in our lives.  When we get stuck, when we don't let go of the season we are in, we can't embrace the new life, the new growth, the new season that is there for us.

 

For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With His love, He will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. (Zephaniah 3:17)

 

So get out your picnic blanket.  Get your shorts and flips out.  Get ready for that new season with expectation.  We can rest in the fact that we have a good, good Father who loves us with an everlasting love.  Just as my girl is planning for every day to be filled with shorts, tank tops, and swim days - we can look forward to what is ahead with anticipation as simply as a child.  Rest in the season you are in, but know that a new one is coming.